Advice from moms with families... and just married women too please -?

well im sad. very sad.


I'll start from the beginning. I had a horrible childhood and teen years, so I take insults very hard. I promised myself I would not allow anyone to treat me nasty ever again.


Fast forward - my mother in law is a complete b*tch to me. She lives in another country, is sweet to me on the phone, and then sends me presents with $1 prices attached... used items,.... broken things... and she is NOT POOR.


I will get a lot of 'well she doesnt owe you anything.'





I agree now - because my vision of a big family has been destroyed, because I know on the inside that she will never change... my husband is adamant that we will all live together as one big family still.





After I cried my heart out after her first present, my husband said something to her like, 'you cant send garbage...'


but that is all, and never anything again to defend me.





I have even gone as far as to say i want nothing to do with them - and he brushes it off.





I just cannot express my anger, hurt and humiliation at having to 'put up' with evil behavior after the horrible life I lived...





Now to the ring and food story.......


We (me , hubby and two friends of his went clubbing all together) went to grab a kebab at about 3am after clubbing. His mother rings on his mobile, saying she had just rang the home phone and we were not home. Then she says 'tell your wife i love her'





Can i just say something about that before you jump in, what a sweet lady? She sent me a used pair of plastic clip on earrings inside a dirty plastic bag and before i got it, she was constantly ringing each day telling me she loved me and if i had gotten the present....


i really hate games... :o(





So - drunk as i was ( 1 botte of wine and two cruisers) said loudly 'haha tell her to get f*ked!'





Hubby started to yell at me that I was bad and his mother is being nice (which he has admitted on and off depending on his mood that she does treat me bad) and i was being a b*tch. Well, i got upset. i didnt eat and took of my rings and tossed them on the floor... (which we could not find again after that...)


Well... hubby has an anger problem and literally opened up his kebab and threw it all over my face full force. Let me just say, he was very drunk too.


We kept on fighting in the street outside the car.





When we got home, I told him to decide if he was going to stay or go.


Who am I kidding if I tell myself, oh this is only a drunk problem, not an everyday problem that will make my life hell in 5 years after we have kids. He said he was leaving in the morning. I wouldnt let him sleep because I hate having to sleep over arguements. He had sex with me - rough, dominating - and then rolled over to sleep.





I was so hurt. I still am.. I shook him and told him that he cannot act like that, just sleep, he has to make up with me or at least make the effort to cuddle.





He is such a b*astard he would not listen, and ended up slapping me hard in the face and telling me to go to bed.


Please note - Im not interested if you think that part is bad or not.





He is a good person. HE IS. But gets very angry when he is angry.





MY QUESTION IS - GENERAL ADVICE TO MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER.





I already plan on asking him to take me to the shopping centre and buy a second ring set. :o(


If we stay together - which if he lets people treat me like crap, order me what religion I must be (surprise, MIL is muslim and ive gotten my orders and orders for all my non existant children too)


I doubt it can be that way.





You can feel free to make general comments about the whole thing tooAdvice from moms with families... and just married women too please -?
WOW! Are u sure this kind of relationship is what u really want for the rest of ur life - and are u sure u want your future children to have to watch people treat you like that in your own family?Advice from moms with families... and just married women too please -?
huh? Where's the question about pregnancy?
Sounds like a bunch of bs to be dealing with! How long you been together? Why do it, look at how she is now just imagine 10 years and 3 kids later how controlling she'll be. He's not worth the time. No matter how great he is, the anger will come out and you don't want your kids to see and you DON'T want your kids to have those anger issues, best of luck!
I think that you are expecting too much. Maybe she is being genuine...at least that's the impression that I got for your explanation. It's the intention or the action of sending the stuff/telling you she cares that is more important than what she actually sends.
Ummm...you've already asked this question in marriage and divorce. Why are you asking it in this section...guess you really ARE stupid!!





Go to bed, child!
Hmm. It sounds like this will always be a problem. It will most likely get worse when you have kids. You'll have your resentment toward her (which is totally understandable) and it is his mom and he will want you two to get along, but will probably favor her more in arguments. You'll resent him.. etc. etc. etc.
your MIL is playing games and you and your husband are the puppets in her little games. She is interferring, rude and purposely trying to get a reaction out of you.


DON'T PLAY ALONG by fighting with your husband.





He loves his mother, and you will never come between them. Instead you need to find a way to get through life without being hurt or angry with what she does.





Here are some ideas:


Return-To-Sender all gifts that she sends with a note or phone call saying that your husband spoils you enough and you don't want her to waste her hard earned $$$ on you.


(yes i know it's not true, but wouldn't she hate it??? hee hee hee)





Explain to her that you don't want to be a bother and that's why you will never stay over in her home for a visit. Tell her because you love her, you don't want to be a bother.





Repeatedly remind your husband that he can do whatever HE wants, but you will ONLY do what you want. So if he wants to go live with his mother, you will support that, but you won't be moving an inch. And that he is welcome to call her and play along as much as he likes, but you won't be.





Your husband does not need to defend you - YOU need to defend you. And since she wants you to get angry, get sickly sweet instead.





The best revenge is happiness and success - so enjoy every minute of your life and be sure she hears about how wonderful everything is for you :)
Are you pregnant? you are in the pregnancy section.





Besides, the only thing I can get in your post is that you hate that your mother in-law sends cheap things or things that you do not want. If you are judging her or biased because she is muslim, that is not right. You both have to be respectful of each other's religion and culture if you decided to marry.


From your own account, your MIL is not really nasty or disrespectful to you. Maybe if YOU send her good gifts she will get the idea.


My general advice is to not bring MILbetween you and hubby or disrupt their relationship by asking him to chose between his mother and wife. I think you both have anger issues and instead of calmly talking about it, you are taking out your frustration on MIL.
It doesn't sound like your MIL is the problem here, your husband is. It doesn't matter if he has anger problems or if he was drunk, he has to right no throw a kebab at you and slap you in the face. Obviously this is much worse then him ';getting very angry when he is angry'; If he is telling you what religion you must be, that is also abuse. If you care about your future children, you will leave this horrible man and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. The worst thing you could possibly do would be to bring children into all of this. If he gets so angry he hits you, then one day he will get so angry that he will hit the children. You need to speak with someone you trust and have them help you to get out of this situation. I know you probably think everything is fine and it isn't that bad, most women in abusive relationships do. You need to get out of there as soon as you can before it gets worse.





The ONLY way to make this better is to leave him.